November 17, 2005
Week 29 - Hero Worship 1
Episode 4
Harry sits on a flat table, in a dark room. On a shelf against one wall is a stack of towels, a small refrigerator, a microwave oven and a sink. After a few moments, a man walks in. He wears flowing gray robes and his thin face is heavily wrinkled.
"Ah, my son," he says, "welcome to The Temple of Thermal Variance." The old man's words are somewhat slurred and his step is a bit wobbly. "I am Brother Kagen. How can I be of ashistance?"
Harry eyes him suspiciously. "Well... I've got this headache..."
"Oh, a headache! Thermal Variance Therapy's the cat's meow for headaches!" He gently pushes Harry's shoulders. "Lie down! Lie down!"
Harry stares at him. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
"Doubt it, fella. I've spent the last four decades traveling to the furthest corners of the world, seeking wisdom... Now, I said lie down!"
"Um... Should I take my clothes off or something?"
"Not unless you want to! The sight certainly wouldn't do anything for me!" Brother Kagen begins to laugh hysterically, until he dissolves in a fit of coughing. "Now... Let me tell you about our little therapy here..." He coughs again. "Our bodies are composed of muscles and tendons and... and other sinews... Sometimes these sinews and whatnot... They stiffen. That process is the root cause of most of our health problems..." He looks at Harry. "I told you to lie down, didn't I?" Harry shrugs and lies on the table. Brother Kagen nods, picks up a towel and runs it under the sink. Then he sticks it into the microwave and pushes a few buttons. The machine whirs to life. "The trick to reshtoring our natural balance is to loosen all that whatnot inside of us." He opens the refrigerator and pulls out an ice pack. "We can do this by causing our cells to experience radically different extremes of temperature in quick succession." He lays the icepack on Harry's forehead.
Harry winces. "Hey, this thing is freezing!"
"Lie still you! Of course it's freezing! That's the point, isn't it?" The microwave beeps. Brother Kagen uses a pair of pincers from the shelf to grip the towel in the oven. He pulls the icepack from Harry's head and quickly replaces it with the steaming cloth.
Harry jumps from the table and screams. The towel falls to the floor. "Are you crazy? That must be a hundred degrees!"
Brother Kagen shakes his head. "I can't help you if you don't cooperate!" He bends to pick up the towel.
As he does, Harry sniffs. "Hey! I smell whiskey..." He looks at Brother Kagen, fumbling on the floor. "You're drunk, aren't you?"