August 12, 2005
Week 15 - Bad Judgment
Episode 5
Celeste stares at Agent Pace. After a moment, she covers her face with her hands. "Yes! Yes!" she sobs. "It's true! I'm tired of the lies. I crave enlightenment, but it's only available to me in a dental chair! I can only touch the infinite under sweet gas!"
Agent Pace nods. "We see it all the time..."
"I smashed my front teeth because that was the only way I could think of to get a bigger dose. But it didn't matter. Even after I was under the gas for all that time... when I came out of it... it was all gone! Everything I thought I learned disappeared."
Agent Pace takes her hand and presses it between her own. "Ms. Weiss, listen to me closely," she says. "What I'm about to say is very important... I'm an insurance agent and I've seen a lot... And here's one thing I've learned about sweet gas... When you're under the influence, your capacities are not increased. Rather... they shrink... It only appears that you finally find the truth. In actuality, your intelligence is so diminished that the merest stray notion appears a great realization. When the gas wears off, your normal discernment reasserts itself and you see that your supposed insights are actually nonsense. Simply bad judgment."
Celeste stares at her.
"So you see," Agent Pace continues, "there's no need to go on torturing yourself. The goddess you have been pursuing is actually a lying bitch."
After a moment, Celeste slowly nods. "Yes," she whispers. "Yes... I see... I understand..."
Agent Pace smiles. She glances at her partner. "Come, Agent Bilkey, our work here is done." Agent Bilkey nods. He steps to Celeste and gently pats her on the back. "Farewell, Ms. Weiss," Agent Pace continues. "In the future, I trust, your dental claims will return to a reasonable level." They step through the door and shut it behind them.
Celeste stares out the window. After a few minutes she walks to the kitchen table and picks up the half empty bottle of vodka. She brings it to her lips and holds it in place for a moment. Then, without drinking, she lowers it. She carries the bottle to the sink and empties the contents down the drain.
She sits on the couch, reaches for her portable cassette deck and begins to record. "The Journal of Celeste Weiss," she says. "Evening... I have come to realize that one path on the quest for truth is actually a dead end." Stacked on a coffee table in front of her is a thick volume of philosophy. She reaches for it. "I continue to pursue other directions." She presses the stop button. Then she opens the book and begins to read.