August 8, 2005
Week 15 - Bad Judgment
Episode 1
Celeste sits on the couch in her small Manhattan apartment, a portable cassette deck on her lap. She sighs. Then she picks up the walkman and presses Record.
"The Journal of Celeste Weiss," she says into the mike. "Monday Evening, 6:45 PM. This afternoon I had yet another dentist appointment. Unfortunately, the experience contained nothing new. While under the influence of the sweet gas, I felt the enlightenment I seek. The mysteries of the cosmos were revealed to me and my lifelong spiritual quest seemed fulfilled. But when the gas wore off, once again, the Nirvana slipped away."
She stands up, still carrying the recorder, and walks over to a cabinet in her kitchen. "I fear," she says, "that the methodology I have been following will soon no longer be tenable." She opens the cabinet. "Seven times, in the past two weeks, I have visited various dentists. It has become increasingly difficult to concoct excuses to prompt them to examine me under the gas." She stares into the cupboard and eventually pulls out a bottle of vodka.
She places the vodka on a small table and walks over to a draw by the sink. "My employer, as well, has grown quite testy about my frequent absences from the office." She opens the draw and pulls out a hammer, which she rests on the table next to the bottle.
She sits at a chair by the table. "And so, I am faced with a dilemma. How can I transfer the contentment I feel while under the gas to my ordinary, unaltered state of consciousness?" She unscrews the cap from the vodka, brings the bottle to her lips and takes a large gulp.
She coughs furiously. After a few moments, she brings the recorder back to her face. "I have come to the conclusion that the fundamental problem is the brevity of the experience. If only I could stay under the gas for a longer period of time, I am convinced that I would be able to better understand what is revealed to me and finally remember the knowledge when my head clears."
She takes another swig from the bottle. "To that end, I have decided to take drastic measures." She presses the stop button on the cassette deck and puts it down. She stares at the hammer.
After a moment she takes another gulp of vodka. Then she picks up the hammer and brings it gently to her mouth.
"You can do this, Celeste," she mumbles. "You must do this!"
She pulls back the hammer and smashes it into her front teeth.