July 5 , 2005
Week 11 - The Rude Laptop
Episode 2
Rantz talks with Celeste Weiss, the Art Director of Fiddle and Burn Magazine. His laptop computer rests on his knees.
“I’ve been doing an analysis of the relationship of newsstand sales to different types of cover images,” he says.
“Hmmm…,” Celeste mumbles. She thumbs through a collection of stock photographs of outer space.
“There’s a pretty strong correlation… When we feature celebrities… actors, I mean… sales shoot up… when it’s just, sort of, abstract paintings, sales go way down…”
“Let me show you what I’m working on now, for the next issue.” She shuffles a stack of papers on her desk and pulls out a mock up of the new cover. “It’s a water color representation of Mars and his two moons.”
“See… that’s kind of what I’m talking about… I mean, it’s really nice… a great image… but covers like that just don’t attract casual browsers…”
She points to the painting. “Do you see how Mars and Phobos and Deimos… the moons… are arranged in a triangle? The relationships form the Golden Mean!”
“Umm…,” Rantz looks at his laptop. “When we put Sarah Michelle Gellar on the cover, sales shot up twenty eight percent…”
“Sarah Michelle Gellar has no weight!” Celeste says. “I don’t mean she’s physically thin, although, obviously she is… I mean she has no symbolic heft.” She looks at Rantz. “I believe the reason the human race has not been more explicitly contacted by extra terrestrial intelligences is that we have not sufficiently integrated our spiritual wisdom with our art…”
“Uh…”
“I try to do my best, so far as my humble station and talent allows me, to rectify that.”
“Uh… just… just look at this spreadsheet I’ve prepared. You’ll see what I mean…"
He turns the laptop to her and she glances at it. Her eyebrows shoot up. “It says ‘A plate of beans a day keeps everyone away’.”
“What!” Rantz turns the computer around and stares at the monitor. The text is typed against a black background. After a moment it vanishes and the spreadsheet reappears. “What the heck!?! I didn’t tell it to do that!”
“That message was neither appropriate, nor accurate,” Celeste says. “I often dine on beans and that fact does nothing to interfere with my social life…”