May 12, 2005
Week 3 - The Can - Part 1
Episode 4
“This definitely reaches new heights of pathetic,” Chuck says.
“My dad’s been trying to get rid of that thing since we moved here. The garbage men don’t know they’re supposed to take it.”
“So he tapes a doofy sign to it! God, your dad is such a loser!”
“You know, Chuck, why don’t you just f--- off! Who asked you, anyway?”
“He should go on one of those daytime talk shows. It could be like ‘Today on Jerry Springer: Men who hate garbage cans.’”
“Whatever…”
“Your mom could be on too. ‘Men who hate garbage cans and the women who love them.’”
“Ha. Ha.”
“Then they could make your dad wear a dress. ‘Transvestite men who hate garbage cans.’”
“Why don’t you just go to hell, Chuck?”
“They could make a show about you too! It’d be ‘Today on Oprah: Loser dweebs from Pennsylvania!’”
“Get the hell off my property before I kick your fucking ass, shithead!”
“All right, all right! I’m leaving anyway… I don’t want the lameness to rub off on me.” Chuck walks back to his house. “I’ll get my sister to lend you a dress for your big debut!” he yells. “‘Today on Dr. Phil: Transvestite loser dweebs from Pennsylvania!’” The door slams shut.
Hal kicks the can and it tips over. He lets out a long slow breath. He picks up the can. “I wish I were back in Philadelphia,” he says.